My New Bedroom

From the time I was very young, I've known I was "different". I was fascinated with women's and girls' clothing and diapers which in my day were primarily cloth and plastic baby pants. Like all little sissy-boys, I loved girlish "dress-ups". Looking back on my boyhood, I laugh at how much of a stereotypical little sissy I was right from the start. I was flamboyant in my speech and gestures, and feminine in the way I ran and threw a ball. I adored playing with Barbie dolls and combing their hair. The most distinguishing trait I had that I was a was quite emotional, easy to cry at the slightest teasing or pain. Even at a young age the neighborhood boys avoided playing with me and by the time I reached 11 or 12 I was subjected to teasing and bullying by the boys.

When I did play with neighborhood kids it was often with the girls and I especially enjoyed spending time with the girl next door who was 2 years younger than me and had the most elaborate doll house and Barbies.

I remember at about this time when I was approximately 12 when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I mentioned traditional careers such as; nurse, dancer, fashion designer. The looks I received were always a little puzzled followed by the comment,

               “Oh, that’s nice.”

After the traumatic experience of my dad being told about my desires to dress like a girl I really did feel a sense of relief now that he knew and while his reaction was far from positive it certainly could have been worse. He was away more often than at home leaving just my mom and I in our large home.  For the first few weeks my mom was busy purchasing all the necessities of dressing mike a girl and Saturday morning after she picked me up from ballet class she told me that she would be converting the spare guest room into a new bedroom for me because there was not enough room in my regular room for all my new clothing and she thought if I probably would want a girl style bedroom instead of my regular room which was full of models and boyish items. I could hardly believe my ears and agreed immediately so while we sat in the kitchen eating lunch we went through the Sears catalog to choose my new bedroom furniture. It didn’t take long because as soon as my mom flipped to the page with canopy beds she let out a squeal of delight. She chose the bedroom suite pictured except the canopy was all white.

I remember her immediately placing the order on the telephone and then announcing that we had to go to the fabric store to pick out material for the drapes and paint store to paint the walls. We picked out pale pink paint while for the window coverings mom went for lots of white ruffles and lace. I was actually quite excited to have a special room and when we returned home we immediately started sewing the curtains.

Within a few days mom had arranged for some men to remove the guestroom furniture and store it in the basement and by the next weekend she had painted the walls and put the window coverings in place.  The following Friday my mom picked me up from school which she normally never did, it had been a bad day at school because once again I had to endure teasing at school from other boys. Even though they were not aware of my sissy desires I was still often called a sissy because of my docile and effeminate nature. Before I could even pour my heart out and tell her about my day she excitedly told me that she had a big surprise for me at home.

She took me upstairs and told me to close my eyes as she lead me by my hand down the hallway when she told me open my eyes I was blown away by my room (see the photo….this is the actual page from the Sears catalog that I saved for 40+ years and had posted onto Pinterest a few years ago. Now the photo can be seen all over the Internet. I know it’s my photo because of the clearly visible verticle fold on the right third of the page).

 

My room had the exact same furniture except the canopy fabric and bedspread were pure white. I literally let out a squeal of delight and hugged my mom thanking her over and over. She showed me that the dresser at the foot of the bed was filled with cloth diapers, disposables, plastic baby pants, tubes of diaper rash cream, baby powder, and diaper pins. There was even a diaper pail in the corner decide the door. The bottom two drawers of the dresser had babyish clothing such as sleepers, rompers and little girl style tops which the remaining three drawers were filled with panties, training bras, ruffled panties, slips, tights, my dance leotards and all things feminine. The unit that had the desk had more clothing along with my school supplies because this is where I would be doing my homework. The biggest surprise was the closet which was had skirts, blouses, all type of dresses that were ultra-feminine with ruffles and lace. She showed me each item and held them up for me to see. She saved the best for last because she held out a ballerina’s tutu followed by a white crinoline and pink crinoline along with a square dance dress.

I was ecstatic and my little penis was erect from the excitement. My mom probably noticed but did not let on. She told me to enjoy my new room and pick out a special dress for tonight while she prepared by favorite meal which at the time was spaghetti and meatballs. I sent the time before dinner trying on different outfits and was in pure heaven, my penis was erect the entire time and I worried about my mom barging in and seeing me in this aroused condition. I chose to where a frilly white dress similar to the one in the photo along with white panties, white tights and frilly white rhumba pants to cover the tights.

 

When I entered the kitchen I was beaming from ear to ear which was not something my mom was used to seeing from me. I tended to be very quiet and sad due to all the teasing and bullying I went through. My mom smiled and gave me the biggest hug of my life and asked,

            “Are you happy now sweetie?”

            “Yes mommy I feel so much happier now”, I replied.

She gave me a playful pat on my bum and ten lifted the hem of my dress up to peek underneath?

“Oh sweetie this is supposed to be a little toddlers outfit and you are wearing big girl panties instead of diapers. Why don’t you go take over your panties and pin on a diaper and some baby pants then cover them up with your tights and rhumba panties? Hurry up dinner is almost ready.”

I could not believe what she said in fact my face got beet red from the embarrassment and I stood there in shock for a few minutes before hurrying off to do as I was told. Dinner was on the table when I returned to the kitchen and mom immediately tied a large bib around my neck and we dug in to my favorite dinner. She asked me lots of questions about how I felt and what I thought of my new room and all the clothing. I was at a loss how to describe how I felt about this change in my home life, I felt a little more comfortable talking about the clothing and the room. I was definitely happy albeit at a loss and confused.

After dinner my psychologist came over for a short visit and talked with only me and essentially asked the same questions my mom had asked plus a few more about how I felt. Was I happier now than when I dressed as a boy, etc? For the next few months I would see her weekly and she was satisfied this was what I wanted and she agreed that I now was much happier and at ease with myself.

By the time the psychologist left I was feeling very tired from what had transpired that afternoon and evening. Mom suggested I have my bath and get ready for bed and she would read to me until I fell asleep. I took a quick bath and when I let the water out of the tub my mom came into the bathroom which I was not use to, normally I put myself into my night diapers and got ready for bed by myself. Without a word she dried me and took me by the hand to my new room,  there in the middle of the floor she had laid out a large plastic covered diaper changing pad that she had sewn and beside it were a couple of cloth diapers, baby pants, diaper cream and baby powder. Without a word she pointed to the changing pad, I laid down and in a matter of a few minutes she had me double diapered and was helping me into a footed sleeper that had a zipper up the back.

She pulled back the comforter and sheet and as soon as I got into my new bed I heard the distinctive rustling and crispness of a waterproof sheet under my bed sheet.

            “I don’t want you ruining your new mattress if you leak in the middle of the night.”

I laid down on the bed and mom laid on top of the comforter beside me then handed me a bottle of warm milk with honey, this was something I always had loved. She read to me from my “Hardy Boys” novel, I don’t recall much of the story because I was so entranced by my new surroundings, the rustling of the plastic sheet, the thickness of the diapers which seemed thicker than what I had worn before and that I now seemed to have a constant hard-on.

Perhaps it was the onset of puberty or becoming comfortable and content with my clothing but this was the start where I began to notice that I was beginning to associate the diapers and the feminine clothing with sexual arousal and excitement.

The next blog post will begin to delve into those feelings and my adventures involving masturbation.